Dr. Seuss Speaks

[Wile E Coyote]

My team sucks
Oh yes its true
My team sucks
The team in blue

My team sucks
at this game of ball
my team sucks
they've no chance at all

They cannot hit the little hoop
They cannot defend, it smells of poop
They cannot beat a team that's old
They cannot win the trophy of gold

They've said to wait
Until summer 2010
Things will change
"We'll get better then!"

I do not think Lebron will sign
He will not sign on the dotted line
I do not think DWade will come
To leave Miami would be quite dumb

My team needs help
They need it quick
A top college player
Would do the trick

But will the player be a pain?
Will the player stay in Spain?
Will we pick a player who's good?
Then trade him for a piece of wood?

We're all very glad
We dumped the GM named Kevin
But we're not going to wait
Until Summer 2011

[lkalantari]

Originally Posted by Wile E Coyote

My team sucks
Oh yes its true
My team sucks
The team in blue

My team sucks
at this game of ball
my team sucks
they've no chance at all

They cannot hit the little hoop
They cannot defend, it smells of poop
They cannot beat a team that's old
They cannot win the trophy of gold

They've said to wait
Until summer 2010
They've things will change
"We'll get better then!"

I do not think Lebron will sign
He will not sign on the dotted line
I do not think DWade will come
To leave Miami would be quite dumb

My team needs help
They need it quick
A top college player
Would do the trick

But will the player be a pain?
Will the player stay in Spain?
Will we pick a player who's good?
Then trade him for a piece of wood?

We're all very glad
We dumped the GM named Kevin
But we're not going to wait
Until Summer 2011

yes it's true
finding stars is tricky
but don't forget
our blonde haired ricky

plus we've one
to rise above
lennon states
all you need is love

no big men?
have no remorse
for we've our very own
darko horse

perhaps this year
pong balls will bounce
and in the draft
on turner we'll pounce

trading al
could change shui-feng
and bring us d
via luol deng

cap space too
could save the day
and net a wing
like rudy gay

rookies growth
can bring us wins
with our own waynes
and jonny flynns

improvement will be
next year's story
MIP?
brewer, cory!

next year refs
won't treat us dirt
no longer a rook
respect for kurt

but instead of going
on and on
i'll end it here with
"we trust in kahn"

[Wile E Coyote]

Very nice

[Kestrel]

When I rookie Wolf did scrap
they said I played some D like cr*p.

Later, as a post-up darling,
I saw the lane as open parking.

At 30, proud and in my prime,
you'll catch me napping half the time.

And when it comes time to retire,
My record fouls you will admire.

[Kestrel]

Like a panicked deer,
rangy arms slapping blockless.
Straighten up, Hollins!

[Kestrel]

One season I sing, a single separate season,
Yet utter the word Timberwolves, the seasons en masse.

Of futility from wing to post I sing,
Not fast-break alone nor defense alone is worthy for the
Muse, I say the form complete is worthier far.
....

[Kestrel]

Sing, O goddess, the anger of McHale son of Taylor, that brought countless ills upon the Minnesotans. Many a high pick did it send hurrying down to Hades, and many a hero did it yield a prey to dogs and vultures, for so were the counsels of Auerbach fulfilled from the day on which Garnett, king of men, and great McHale, first fell out with one another.

[spiker]

and a Limmerick

There was a ball team from ‘sota
Who couldn’t play D one iota.
A man who could ball
Came and said “...just stand tall.”
Now we get charging calls, our quota.

[Bob McCann]

Originally Posted by Kestrel

Sing, O goddess, the anger of McHale son of Taylor, that brought countless ills upon the Minnesotans. Many a high pick did it send hurrying down to Hades, and many a hero did it yield a prey to dogs and vultures, for so were the counsels of Auerbach fulfilled from the day on which Garnett, king of men, and great McHale, first fell out with one another.

This is brilliant.

The Wolves do have the feel of an epic or myth. The involvement of the gods, failure to know one's own limits, failure, petty disagreements. It's all there.

The literary possibilities for imitations like yours are so limitless that my head is about to explode.

I'm definitely seeing Shakespeare and many other greats here.

Some loose ideas that I don't have time to execute:

"Winters of Our Discontent" I could make tasteless comparisons between McHale's posture and Richard's deformity in this one, but the bad sweaters could be enough to count for Richard's disability.

Three fans as three witches standing on Nicollet Island leading up to the lottery and how the Wolves will get a back pick and pick the wrong guy. Is it our prophecy that makes all this happen, or did you make it happen, Macbeth?-- I mean--McHale. Flip as King Duncan, Wolves seasons being tales of sound and fury told by an idiot signifying nothing...there's so much there.

McHale as King Lear when he was demoted to coach. The players are his meaningless cadre of knights left to him as a final "honor."

Measure for Measure angle: McHale/Taylor are like Claudio--they make the Joe Smith secret deal...everybody sleeps with their girlfriend, or so Claudio thinks. Then, the anal judge Stern/Angelo comes in. How do we punish you? You can be put to death (sell the team), or, your sister can be raped (the fans pay the penalty of watching the draft picks taken).

McHale as Hamlet--he just always had to outthink everyone, including himself. Then, he falls back on the excuses: "How all occasions do conspire against me..."

Stack and McHale's miscommunication about selling Chalmers and the Mayo deal happening at the same time feels like something from the mistaken identity comedies.

"The Fall of the House of Taylor"--we could even have the incest angle given our past tendency to re-involve people with whom Taylor is already "comfortable."

I'm sure there is more out there, but my brain is just not up for it.

[Bob McCann]

Originally Posted by Kestrel

When I rookie Wolf did scrap
they said I played some D like cr*p.

Later, as a post-up darling,
I saw the lane as open parking.

At 30, proud and in my prime,
you'll catch me napping half the time.

And when it comes time to retire,
My record fouls you will admire.

Maybe I'm just thick. Is this referring to a specific player? I see elements of Rashad, Foye, Blount, Laettner, Hollins, and J.R. Rider in here.

[BoneCrusher]

Originally Posted by Bob McCann

Maybe I'm just thick. Is this referring to a specific player? I see elements of Rashad, Foye, Blount, Laettner, Hollins, and J.R. Rider in here.

I think he's referring to Hollin's.

[BoneCrusher]

Originally Posted by Wile E Coyote

My team sucks
Oh yes its true
My team sucks
The team in blue

My team sucks
at this game of ball
my team sucks
they've no chance at all

They cannot hit the little hoop
They cannot defend, it smells of poop
They cannot beat a team that's old
They cannot win the trophy of gold

They've said to wait
Until summer 2010
Things will change
"We'll get better then!"

I do not think Lebron will sign
He will not sign on the dotted line
I do not think DWade will come
To leave Miami would be quite dumb

My team needs help
They need it quick
A top college player
Would do the trick

But will the player be a pain?
Will the player stay in Spain?
Will we pick a player who's good?
Then trade him for a piece of wood?

We're all very glad
We dumped the GM named Kevin
But we're not going to wait
Until Summer 2011

Post of the year.

[BoneCrusher]

Originally Posted by lkalantari

yes it's true
finding stars is tricky
but don't forget
our blonde haired ricky

plus we've one
to rise above
lennon states
all you need is love

no big men?
have no remorse
for we've our very own
darko horse

perhaps this year
pong balls will bounce
and in the draft
on turner we'll pounce

trading al
could change shui-feng
and bring us d
via luol deng

cap space too
could save the day
and net a wing
like rudy gay

rookies growth
can bring us wins
with our own waynes
and jonny flynns

improvement will be
next year's story
MIP?
brewer, cory!

next year refs
won't treat us dirt
no longer a rook
respect for kurt

but instead of going
on and on
i'll end it here with
"we trust in kahn"

Post of the year runner up.

[lkalantari]

Originally Posted by BoneCrusher

Post of the year runner up.

thanks bc!

kind of sad that the best posts on our beloved wolves are nursery rhymes and limericks, but at least we're having fun. the draft this year should be a great time for wolves fans.